JetsFix Mailbag 2020

It's time for the 2020 JetsFix Mailbag, which has been running in three parts this week. Remember, the idea was for everyone to ask one Jets/NFL question and one non-NFL question, a rule which many of you failed to adhere to. Here's part three:

levi: You probably have inside info on this Jets question. Who had the biggest dong on the Jets last year? Injured reserve and practice squad do not count.

I have no inside information, but going by the old adage that dong size is proportional to nose size it would have to be Sam Ficken for length and Bless Austin for girth.

Non Jets question: What Star Wars characters closest relate to some of the longer tenured TJB/Jetsfixers listed below?

Brendan:
Han Solo because he spends the first two-and-a-half movies not paying Jabba the Hutt what he owes him.

bob:
Bob-a Fett would be a good choice but in terms of being an excitable, dependable and sometimes malfunctioning bundle of energy with a blue tinge, I think bob would make a good R2D2:

Mike Francesser:
On the basis of who Mike's alter-ego is, he can only be this guy (or guys):

a57se: 57 should stay true to his name and be an LR-57 droid. Also known, bizarrely, as a Retail Caucus Droid.

Tsjc68: Jango Fett, because his son is an unaltered clone that is somehow way cooler than he is.

R in CT: A time-travelling Luke Skywalker that goes back and prevents himself from dying through tiredness.

Bent: Green, wise and small. Yoda, obviously.

levi: Lor San Tekka...because when Kylo Ren meets him at the start of The Force Awakens, he says "look how old you've become..."

vwclaymore: Jets question: Why?

Why not?

Non- Jets question: Why?!?!

Why not both?

sunset boulevard: Of the Jets defensive lineman we expect to return and play a role - what are their respective abilities and weaknesses?

Quinnen Williams: Strength - run stuffing. Weakness - pass rushing.
Steve McLendon: Strength - run stuffing. Weakness - pass rushing.
Nathan Shepherd: Strength - run stuffing. Weakness - pass rushing.
Foley Fatukasi: Strength - run stuffing. Weakness - pass rushing.
Kyle Phillips: Strength - run stuffing. Weakness - pass rushing.
Henry Anderson: Stength - playing outside. Weakness - playing inside.

What made you want to run a jets blog?

I never wanted to run a Jets blog. Bassett invited me to write the occasional article for TheJetsBlog, but I was never intending to run it. And Marcus was good enough to set up JetsFix to give me somewhere else to share content, but I didn't ask him to do that either.

By-Tor Jets question: You're JD and have told us oline is a priority this off-season. How do you go about fixing it in the draft and free agency? Do you bring Beachum back? Shell? Does Chuma have a role? Who would you sign/draft? Gives us an example of a starting 5 you think gives us a good chance to compete.

If I had to predict, I'd say the Jets will get a free agent guard, then spend their first pick on a tackle and look to bring back Beachum. That's their top three priorities.

If they can bring back Lewis and Shell without the cost getting too high, they'll probably do that too. I think Edoga and Harrison may stick around to compete for a role. Winters could be a cap casualty but if they can't re-sign Lewis, they'll probably keep him. Ideally, they will draft a new starter at center as well.

If you end up with (say) Beachum/Lewis/Cushenberry/Thuney/Wills then that looks like an upgrade as well as having some longer term potential. Edoga and Harrison would be the main reserves.

But, honestly, I could be 0-for-5 there. It's just as likely they end up looking something like Edoga/Scherff/Harrison/Winters/Shell.

The Bills just signed about seven new guys with starting experience and used a spaghetti approach to end up at the best five. They even recouped assets by trading a few away. I could see a similar slipshod approach to addressing this issue from the Jets.

Non Jets question: By-Tor Jr needs a new phone. Has an iPhone 6s that he's had for almost 4 years and paid halvsies. Never broke it, never lost it but it's on the fritz. He's a good kid. Wants an 11-pro that's $1,000. Ack! What do I do?

Are you asking me for parenting advice or advice on technology? I'm not sure I'm qualified to deliver either.

Get him the phone. Then get insurance.

With any luck he'll break it and learn a lesson from that but you'll still be able to get your money back.

David Aron: What changes could the jets coaching staff make to improve on the dreadful health status of the 2019 Jets, or will it be a cosmetic firing of the Head of Strength & Conditioning Galac?

Maybe they will identify some processes that are contributing or take extra time to stretch and extra caution with players who are not 100 percent, but ultimately a lot of those things were little more than bad luck and not really preventable.

I bet what they do instead is just hope for a regression to the mean.

Please rank your favorite donut brands (mine would be Entenmann's). Conversely, i understand that pizza rankings would have greater meaning.

We don't really have high-profile donut brands over here. Krispy Kreme and Dunkin' only landed here several years ago and they're pretty rare still.

A friend of mine opened up a place that sold beignets. It did not succeed, primarily because English people were like "Hell kind of a food is a BEEG-NETT?"

The best donut is a Hurts Donut though, obviously.

David Aron (again): If the Pats come knocking to trade for RB Bell, what price would be enough of a premium to pull the trigger? (Implied is what would you make the trade if it wasn't going to the evil hoodie?) How much more for S Adams?

The fact the Jets pulled off trades with both the Giants and Patriots in 2019 makes either of these scenarios more plausible than ever before. I could see the Jets dumping Bell on whoever will take him as long as they get what they consider decent value back, but I can't imagine New England being suitors unless Bill Belichick gets unexpectedly replaced with Isiah Thomas or something. Adams to the Pats seems like something that would never happen no matter what the price.

Has the Wuhan coronavirus reached a Chinese critical mass and has escaped containment? What "Demolition Man" tactics will ensue?

I have no idea but I'll rewatch "Outbreak" with Dustin Hoffman tonight and get back to you.

David Aron (yet again): Please rank position need towards the draft. Based on prior years of drafting for the Eagles, if there is a run on OTs (imo, OL is the top need) at the top of the draft, how do you envision GM Douglas behaving (besides flinging objects around the room when the cameras are not on)? Do the Jets trade up, take the BPA, go with a secondary need (EDGE, CB, WR), or trade down?

All of this could change based on free agency but for now:

Tackle
Edge
Interior Line
Cornerback
Wide Receiver

I trust Douglas to keep a cool head and keep his options open. We should get a good player or a good package of picks at 11.

Which Islands do you head to for vacation - Hawaiian, Caribbean, Long, 3-Mile, Manhattan, or some non-descript islands off the coast of France where the beer is warm and footballs are round?

I never get a chance to vacation because I ALREADY WORK AROUND THE CALENDAR. In my whole life, other than the UK and USA, I've only ever been to France twice and Tenerife once. That's it.

I did get to go to Jamaica two years ago. Unfortunately, it was Jamaica, Queens.

Lam Jones: Jets question: I have heard that due to CBA restrictions Gase/his staff and Sam can't speak about football currently and for a significant part of this offseason. Do you know anything about what Sam is doing during this period, and if he is working with an independent QB coach or something like that?

Yes. He's going to watch a ton of game film and work on his mechanics with Jordan Palmer again. And while they can't meet, I wouldn't be surprised for Darnold to be in contact with coaches via skype and email during the downtime.

They are also hoping to get a bunch of players out to Cali before camp to run an informal passing camp. You'll recall most of the pass catchers apart from Le'Veon Bell attended last year.

Non-Jets question: due to your obvious success in influencing the plot of TROS what is your next big story idea for a new Star Wars trilogy and what can we do to make sure you don't get shamelessly plagiarized again...

In order to set up the next Star Wars trilogy I first have to overthrow the showrunners of the new Obi-Wan series on Disney+. In order to do so I am going to need the help of some old friends, each with a special set of skills and between us, we'll have to execute an intricately detailed plan and overcome at least one double-cross. Ironically, achieving this would be so exciting and unpredictable, the events themselves are likely to inspire and spawn their own movie franchise, the success of which will rival Star Wars itself.

Once I've taken over, the show - which currently promises to be a show about Kenobi's inner demons and his regrets as he seeks to protect an infant Luke Skywalker from any threats that may be coming his way, while also keeping his own past a secret - is going to undergo some major changes.

Instead of being the expected gentle nostalgia where an aged version of Ewan says "hello there" a lot and insists on the truthfulness of things he's said in the past based on the way you look at them, it's now going to be a mind-blowingly shocking series of exposition which ties together the three existing trilogies and sets up a new trilogy to follow on from Episode IX.

The shock reveal is that during his exile on Tatooine, Obi-Wan unexpectedly encounters the Dark Side and is revealed to have long been under the influence of a Pureblood Sith that will ultimately possess his spirit once he becomes a force ghost. Despite the fact the Sith species had been thought extinct, they themselves had gone into exile thousands of years earlier, waiting for the right moment to reappear.

This can be tied in to explain a lot from the first three trilogies. Quotes such as "If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than ever before" and "Only a Sith deals in absolutes" suddenly make more sense and work as clues to Obi-Wan's true identity, which works together with the fact that Maul - himself a distant descendant of a Pureblood Sith - would live on through Obi-Wan having been struck down in hatred by him perhaps ultimately serving as the conduit for him to be unwittingly possessed.

It also explains Obi-Wan's earlier obsession with balancing the force, something he facilitated not to bring the dark side down, but at the behest of the Pureblood Sith - who hate the Jedi because they were the old enemy but also hate the Sith because they appropriated their religion and bred out the Pureblood element - to enable them to rise again.

So, while he was uniting Luke and his sister, sacrificing his life, guiding Luke as a force ghost to destroy Vader and the Emperor and then later guiding Rey to put an end to the Sith once and for all, he was doing so unconsciously, not realizing that a Pureblood Sith was possessing him at key moments and compelling him to guide everything to a point where the Sith were eliminated and the Jedi order would need to be rebuilt.

With the galaxy's force users collectively at their most vulnerable, Rey feels the pull not of the dark side, but from the other half of her Force Dyad, seeking guidance from the only person she felt ever truly understood who she was. As she floats and rotates...

"Ben...be with me."

But the Ben she sees before her is not Ben Solo. It's the ghost of someone who hasn't heard that name for a long time...and he's now possessed by a Pureblood Sith so Rey is about to find out that being the leader of the new Jedi order is harder than it looks...

Or maybe a Nien Nunb and Admiral Ackbar buddy cop movie. One or the other.